All set for lunch: but do you know the etiquette?

A business-woman sits at a table in a top restaurant waiting for her client. As she waits she applies lipstick, combs her hair – and then reaches into her suit jacket and pulls her breasts up in her bra. Her guest arrives. Phew, thank god he hadn’t turned up a split second earlier. She then notices with horror the mirrored wall facing her, which would have been fully visible as he made his way from the entrance to the table. And yes, he’d seen her in action, as had several other diners.

Mortifying, absolutely – and one of several cringe-worthy anecdotes told by Linda Allan, a management consultant and coach specialising in business behaviours, on what not to do when client entertaining. ‘I’ve seen people clean their specs or mop their head with a dinner napkin,’ she says.

‘I once saw a well-dressed senior executive clean his shoes with his napkin while he waited for his guests to arrive. He then put his napkin on his lap for the meal.’ Another business diner, she recalls, was waiving his steak knife in the air somewhat energetically as he talked – nearly poking the waitress’s eye out in the process.

Causing offence

Extremes, maybe, but there are still plenty of other ways you can end up offending your contacts when the whole idea of client entertaining is to impress. ‘Never keep your mobile phone switched on,’ says etiquette expert Heather Pickering of Protocol Plus.

‘Do not send or receive text messages or calls. I was invited to lunch by someone, who used his mobile continually at the table. After the first course, I said if he had more important things to do than pay attention to me, I would leave him to it – which I did.’

Seating plan

Who sits where can be a minefield. ‘When accompanying guests to the table, allow them to precede you. They should follow behind the waiting staff who should pull the best chair out first. The head guest takes the first chair pulled,’ says Allan. Incidentally, the host takes a chair facing the kitchen or service area. Not only does that avoid guests having those views, it ensures they will be easily able to monitor the flow of the meal and catch waiting staff’s attention if needed.

Some tips are common sense but can be forgotten when you’re concentrating on how to win over a business contact. ‘Do not leave clutter around your chair. Waiters trip over it,’ says Pickering.

And don’t forget your credit cards (and check they haven’t expired). ‘The host always pays the bill, with tip in cash, and they should pay discreetly.’ Yep, pressing a £20 note (even if it is the company’s) into the sommelier’s hand with an elaborate wink is not the done thing.

A good sommelier: worth weight in gold.

The price is right?

Ah yes – sommeliers – the best are worth their weight in gold; others make you spend more than you want, knowing full well you won’t say anything in front of business guests or won’t care as it is on expenses. But with entertaining budgets being slashed, the pressure is on to avoid that upselling sommelier.

‘The host retains control of the wine list – even if a wine connoisseur is among the guests,’ says Allan. ‘To get a recommendation at your desired price level, point to the price of a wine on the list and say to the sommelier, ‘I was thinking of this wine. What do you think?’ If your selection is not appropriate, the waiter should suggest an alternative – at a similar price level to what you pointed to.’

See you at breakfast

‘Power breakfasts’ are on the rise and while the wine list isn’t something you need to worry about (hopefully), there are still etiquette rules at play. ‘These breakfasts are meant to be fast and productive – usually an hour at most,’ says Allan. ’It’s ok to bring a newspaper to read but only while you’re waiting for guests! A more relaxed atmosphere usually prevails for breakfast, but that doesn’t mean more relaxed table manners or dress.’ Oh, and don’t yawn, or turn up with the remnants of last night’s garlic bread on your breath

Hospitality: you are responsible for your guests.

A grand day out

As host, your role is to monitor the flow, pace and mood of the event, whatever the occasion, Allan points out. And it is your job to ensure no one drinks too much. Hosts should maintain control of drinks orders. Alert wait staff ahead of time that they should stop filling a person’s wine glass if they drink too fast.

At self-service events or where there is bar service, it’s difficult to guide guests appropriately but, again, ask waiting staff in advance to inform you of anyone who drinks too much. ’A drunken guest will spoil the event for other guests and will tarnish the reputation of the host and of the hosting organisation,’ says Allan.

But, what do you do, when despite your best efforts, one of your guests has become rather too enthusiastic with the free wine? Using tact, it is time to initiate the sharp exit: ‘Drunks should be put in a taxi and sent home, preferably with a sober friend. Drunk women should not be sent home on their own,’ says Pickering. ‘Drunks behave dreadfully – expect an ocean of complaints about political correctness.’

Don’t click your fingers.

Last one standing

Sounds exhausting. So when can you make your exit? Should you be the last person standing at the bar? Afraid so. ‘If you are the host at a corporate event, you leave at the end. Not before, unless you are the chairman or CEO,’ says Heather. ‘You have to sign off the bar consumption, check everyone has a lift home, liaise with the events person who has organised the do, tip staff, dole out the flowers, look under the tables for lost property. Your event, your responsibility.’

If it’s not your event, then never outstay your welcome – that means leaving 10 to 15 minutes before the stated end time. Adds Allan: ‘At a meal, the host signals the end of the meal by placing their napkin on the table. At that point, all guests should stop eating and drinking and stand up to leave.’

International etiquette

And life gets even more complicated when these events go international, with etiquette around the world varying hugely. In Japan and China, for example, guests should leave some food as it shows that the host has provided enough. In other cultures, eating everything is the ultimate compliment.

Check out what the cultural expectations are beforehand regarding such seemingly simple things as handshakes, presenting business cards, and when (or if) business can be introduced as a topic of conversation. Typically, the host always pays the bill – but some cultures will make a display of fighting to pay.

Even how you place your knife and fork to signal you have finished, or use them to eat, varies between countries – in Germany, for instance, whatever you can cut with a fork do so as using the knife indicates something is not tender. Incidentally, if you’re eating with chopsticks, never leave them stuck out of your bowl vertically (it is symbolic of death) and it’s never big or clever to use them as drumsticks.

Five top entertaining tips

1. Avoid difficult foods, says Allan: ‘Spaghetti, mussels in the shell in a sauce, quail or anything with small bones, whole cherry tomatoes, olives with pits, hamburgers and piled-high sandwiches – no matter how decadent the ingredients.’

   Avoid difficult foods like moules.

2. No one, host or guest, ever clicks fingers at the waiting staff, nor waves their napkin around, Michael Winner style, says Pickering.
3. Toothpicks – it’s pretty grim watching someone ferret around their mouth with a stick, chasing that stray piece of spinach. Still, they are routinely offered – and good manners in some cultures as long as put your free hand over your mouth.
4. At a buffet, put what you want on your plate and move away. Never eat over the table. Don’t hover – it is not the area for networking.
5. If extending a restaurant invite, always state where you’ll meet: in the foyer, bar, or at the table.

My Question / Comment Is...